Imagine the scene: Dad takes the toddler to the park, where another child is playing with a toy digger in the sandpit. Toddler walks right up and snatches the digger from the other child. After all, there's nothing as attractive as another child's toy to most under-2s.
Before Dad has even got to the toddler, you can bet the other child's mother / grandmother / au pair is straight in there, mediating between the two warring children.
But would they be so quick to cut in if it had been Mum taking the toddler to the park?
Most women are probably unaware of it, but they often make an assumption that men are at a loss when the childcare gets any more complex than inserting a bottle in the baby's mouth or jiggling it on a knee.
Yet fathers are now expected to take a much more active role in child-rearing, and many are happily doing so. They get up in the night to settle babies, they change nappies, they take them to the clinic for immunisations. They read to them, teach them to talk and don't flinch at the toilet training. Now, perhaps more than ever before, they deal with tantrums, bad behaviour and provide a shoulder to cry on when needed.
And of course, they have opinions on how to rear their children. They may want to have their say on when to move a baby from their bedroom to the nursery, or when and how to say 'no' to bad behaviour and they deserve to have their opinions heard.
It can be difficult for women who have fed and nurtured their children with dedication through the early months or years of life to really listen to what their partners have to say. They may have a deeper understanding of their child's personality, but Dad is probably not far behind. And sometimes, a little extra detachment can give them a good perspective on the situation.
Maybe Dads know more than we give them credit for. Maybe they know what to do when their children have a tantrum. Maybe they are just as adept as anyone else at distracting or disciplining them. Maybe we should listen to their opinions more and step in less.
And maybe we should just let them sort out the odd sandpit war.
Christine Meadows
